the rain

i dont know what happened between the time you shut me out and called your help
but i feel like theres something im not aware of
and between the time i thought you were going to be okay and my encounter with the military
i feel even more happened that i have no clue about
and during my encounter
they listened in at first
so i said some things that are meant to be kept private by accident
im sure of that
they said "were dealing with her"
and ten minutes later i was todl "were taking her to the hospital"
where i thought you were already on your way too
if you want to leave me
if thats why you were disconneteced when i last talked to you
dont hurt yourself anymore
but if im over reading things
like i always do
im here
always
but i guess the thing that matters is
im not there
i could tell you were mad before you called the teacher
mad at me
i thought you were asleep
and im sorry you heard it
if you dont know what i said
it was
"i hate life"
im osrry you heard that
you shouldnt take me seriously on that
its been kinda like, you can say
a catch phrase for me for a while
its more of a personal joke than anything
im sure it upset you though
and im sorry
you dont have to forgive me
i guess im done
ireally hope you dont read these things first thing you get back
i would feel absolutely terrible
im so lost right now
i did what you told me
i rented a movie
i got shes out of your leauge
because you told me too
im sorry
but i couldnt really enjoy
at least not now
im sorry for being stupid
and rambling around
thoughts enter my breain faster than i understand them
or if i mean them
dont leave me behind